CityLightsLovin'

I feel like a failure. I have no reason to, but I still feel like one right now. I feel like I’m in way over my head. And I’m sure this will only last for the night/through tomorrow but still. Waaaah I’m so whiny right now.

The one person I gladly planned on not seeing and have no urge to see this summer, I will end up spending 2-3 weeks straight with. Noooo

Complete silence in my house makes me completely nervous. It also make me completely terrified to fall asleep. My house is old. Full of nerves.

More people should take the time to read this. 

“Look at yourself in the mirror (this worked for me after) and picture yourself with millions of scars. Sure, they’d be great stories, great reasons to prove you’re strong. But it’s better to prove you were strong without the side effects. Also try telling yourself you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. This will help when your friends who cut, say it helps them, or it keeps them up to date with their strength, and/or the way the “moved on”, because honestly, when you have scars, you never move on.”

“Once you do it, you can’t stop. You love the feeling. But no one else does.”

“And if you’ve just cut before reading this, please draw a butterfly. Name it after someone who cried after you told them what you did. Name it after someone you love, someone who you know cares for you. Name it after anyone. As long as you realize that if you cut anywhere on your body after drawing this, your butterfly will die. Think about killing that one person who cares about you.”

The other day I got to talking with somewhat of a stranger. I could tell she was a strong woman right away, but she just looked so mentally and physically exhausted. Physically because of how mentally tired she appeared, and it was as if only a few weeks helped her age years. So we visited. She talked about her kids and how much potential they have in life and what they could do if they would recognize it themselves. I talked about how my summer is going to be and how nervous I am that I will become overwhelmed. The whole time we talked though, it was so evident how hard she was trying to look like she was fine and happy. Her eyes said so much and showed how pained and anxious she is. Why that is was none of my business though. If I ever got the chance to sit down and talk with her again though, I would give her a big hug and tell her what a wonderful person she is and that she is doing the right things. Everyone needs to hear something like that at some point or another. Everyone needs someone to just listen at times. It can be the strongest remedy. Help make a difference for someone.